It seems like a normal sad Holiday for me. Son number one and his drug problem are constantly on my mind. I feel he has gotten so bad lately that he is on track to lose his job and his life.
So given that intro, where is there to go from there. This has been an ongoing problem for over 30 years. I could write a book about the sorrows I have endured over the past three decades.
I am in a deep funk much of the time. MY mind cannot get away from the fact that a young man who had so much potential allowed drugs to destroy his life.
There have been multiple trips to rehabs. And periods of time that he has controlled his urges and stayed clean for as much as 11 months. But the deep darkness of the addiction always resurfaces.
He has been prescribed meds for bi polar, and they seem to help his mood. But he does not take them as he should. He is in constant search of the next high.
Because of this, I have not had one moment of peace, joy or contentment in my life for over 30 years. And of course one looks back to the past and wonders. Did I do something to set him on this path of destruction?
I do not think so. He is an adopted child, the product of a drug addicted natural mother. And back when we took him into our home to love and raise. The big debate was between "Nature" and "Nurture" Back then the consensus was that Nurture would be a more powerful determinant.
I have now learned that is not the case. The one time, one thing, a priest told me that was truth was when we took Matt to be baptized and the priest said to us. " you know you don't know anything about where this child came from, you do not know what problems you may have to deal with because of it"
I only wish I could have seen down the road back then, but I doubt that we would have changed our mind about this baby that we brought home to love and care for.
And he was an amazing child. I saw no evidence of "drug issues" in him as a child. He was an excellent student and athlete, until he found alcohol, and drugs soon followed. He is a hard worker still and everyone likes him. He has just thrown away his life for a quick high. And he has no self control over his actions or his urges.
So here we are 51 years later, and I dread answering the phone or the door, not knowing if it will be the call that I dread coming.
I would caution anyone against adoption because of what we have been through with this child of ours. But we also have an adopted daughter, who has not given us any problems her entire life, and is a constant help to us. WE also have two natural children , both doing well, and only minor teenage problems that were not so enormous that they kept them from becoming responsible adults.
Every holiday seems to be filled with sadness for me because of Matt's life choices or his life's urges. I don't think he can help himself. Which is the nature of drug addiction, I guess. WE have ceased to help him with any financial support , but we have always been here to love him.
SO SAD.
Wednesday, December 5, 2018
Tuesday, November 20, 2018
Christmas Blahs
Most of my friends and family have dubbed me the family "Grinch" And it is well deserved.
For many years, back to the days when my children were small and Santa was a part of our Christmas... I did not like the Holidays.
I think it may be partially due to the fact that I did not have any of my family close enough to be able to celebrate together. So it was always with my spouse's family. Which was not all that fun for me.
So this year. I got my CHRISTMAS spirit out of the way early and I stitched up this Rudolph quilt.
Now have to figure out where to put it. And do I want to put up my tree this year. I do like to see XMAS decorations and like the soft glow of the tree lights in the evening. And now I have a tree that only requires me to plug it in. It is decorated and has lights, and I do not have to put them on or take them off.
It is also out in the back yard shed, and we must depend on one of the kids or grandkids to lug it in and after Christmas lug it back out. Last year it was in my living room well into summer, before we corralled our oldest son to move it back to the shed.
MY snowmen in the sun rom have found a permanent home on the shelf above the back windows. It is just too much hassle taking them up and down each season. When I was younger I changed the décor on that shelf with the seasons. Now the snowmen are a permanent fixture up there.
Today we hope to hang the newly painted cabinet doors in the kitchen. That will leave about 2/3 of the kitchen cabinets painted inside and out. And at our age this process is taking much longer than it would have 10 years ago.
For many years, back to the days when my children were small and Santa was a part of our Christmas... I did not like the Holidays.
I think it may be partially due to the fact that I did not have any of my family close enough to be able to celebrate together. So it was always with my spouse's family. Which was not all that fun for me.
So this year. I got my CHRISTMAS spirit out of the way early and I stitched up this Rudolph quilt.
Now have to figure out where to put it. And do I want to put up my tree this year. I do like to see XMAS decorations and like the soft glow of the tree lights in the evening. And now I have a tree that only requires me to plug it in. It is decorated and has lights, and I do not have to put them on or take them off.
It is also out in the back yard shed, and we must depend on one of the kids or grandkids to lug it in and after Christmas lug it back out. Last year it was in my living room well into summer, before we corralled our oldest son to move it back to the shed.
MY snowmen in the sun rom have found a permanent home on the shelf above the back windows. It is just too much hassle taking them up and down each season. When I was younger I changed the décor on that shelf with the seasons. Now the snowmen are a permanent fixture up there.
Today we hope to hang the newly painted cabinet doors in the kitchen. That will leave about 2/3 of the kitchen cabinets painted inside and out. And at our age this process is taking much longer than it would have 10 years ago.
Scrapping.
Tuesaday Nov 20
MY spouse just reminded me that tomorrow is my birthday. OMG I do not want anymore birthdays. But since following Dr. Esselstyn's plant based diet, I am feeling better physically and mentally.
This whole process has been a learning experience. Experimenting with recipes, and spending a lot of time in the kitchen. I have been strict, no meat or any animal product. Well oops, that is not quite true I have cheated with a small amount of cheese on my Skyline veggie 3 way. YUM YUM But you just have to top that off with some cheddar.
I made a decision to part with some of the quilts I have put into a stash for my granddaughters after I am gone. I have quite a few, baby and kid sized quilts down there. And just a few days ago I thought, why not donate these to the women's crises center. Let someone enjoy them, and get good use out of them. So I pulled 3 or 4 out of the bin and bagged them up. I am just waiting until I work with Olivia, who has a full time job as a counselor at the shelter.
This week I decided to start a scrappy. Using pinks and purples and yellows. I spent yesterday cutting most of the pieces for the blocks. Bonnie HUnter's Princess Crown block. This block because of all the seams, takes concentrated precision if the blocks are to turn out in some sort of uniformity. I only have stitched up 4 of the blocks, but it will be a good go to project when I want to spend just a little time in the sewing studio. I can stitch up two or three blocks and then go back to whatever. Things like cooking, laundry, finishing painting the kitchen cabinets. ETC ETC.
MY spouse just reminded me that tomorrow is my birthday. OMG I do not want anymore birthdays. But since following Dr. Esselstyn's plant based diet, I am feeling better physically and mentally.
This whole process has been a learning experience. Experimenting with recipes, and spending a lot of time in the kitchen. I have been strict, no meat or any animal product. Well oops, that is not quite true I have cheated with a small amount of cheese on my Skyline veggie 3 way. YUM YUM But you just have to top that off with some cheddar.
I made a decision to part with some of the quilts I have put into a stash for my granddaughters after I am gone. I have quite a few, baby and kid sized quilts down there. And just a few days ago I thought, why not donate these to the women's crises center. Let someone enjoy them, and get good use out of them. So I pulled 3 or 4 out of the bin and bagged them up. I am just waiting until I work with Olivia, who has a full time job as a counselor at the shelter.
This week I decided to start a scrappy. Using pinks and purples and yellows. I spent yesterday cutting most of the pieces for the blocks. Bonnie HUnter's Princess Crown block. This block because of all the seams, takes concentrated precision if the blocks are to turn out in some sort of uniformity. I only have stitched up 4 of the blocks, but it will be a good go to project when I want to spend just a little time in the sewing studio. I can stitch up two or three blocks and then go back to whatever. Things like cooking, laundry, finishing painting the kitchen cabinets. ETC ETC.
Wednesday, September 19, 2018
New lifestyle
After three months on this WFPBN (Whole food plant based nutrition) I have seen my HgbA1C drop from 7.4 to 6.0 below the normal range for diabetics. And yesterday I saw a 100 point drop in my total cholesterol from April . It was 214 back then and yesterday it is 107.
IN addition I have also lost 18 lbs. Feel great. More energy than I have had in years...
So this will be a short entry, because I have not much more to report. My spouse has been somewhat following this eating plan. But he still cheats with dairy and an occasional egg for breakfast, and meat if we eat out. But he does not have the heart issues I have. He does have more energy and began the process of re doing our kitchen cabinets. He has the primer coat on several cabinet doors. Will have to put the final coat on when we return from Cleveland.
IN addition I have also lost 18 lbs. Feel great. More energy than I have had in years...
So this will be a short entry, because I have not much more to report. My spouse has been somewhat following this eating plan. But he still cheats with dairy and an occasional egg for breakfast, and meat if we eat out. But he does not have the heart issues I have. He does have more energy and began the process of re doing our kitchen cabinets. He has the primer coat on several cabinet doors. Will have to put the final coat on when we return from Cleveland.
Tuesday, July 17, 2018
The Russian Takeover
July 17, 2018
I am making this note and dating it because I believe this will eventually come out to all of us.
What possible reason could Trump have for giving away the farm. AKA, agreeing with dictators across the planet, while picking fight with our friends and allies?
It seems clear to me, that Russia aka Putin, has been grooming Donald Trump for decades for just this role; to install him as the leader the United States of America. He, Putin, recognized in Trump many years ago, a "useful idot" and he has succeeded.
Putin lied yesterday at the press conference when he said he did not know Trump was in Russia during the beauty pagent…. Trump was working closely at that time with PUtin's right hand man to arrange a meeting with PUtin, or at least to get him to attend the Miss Universe pagent. This is all documented in the book Russian Roulette.
Today I am hearing commentary that Trump is suffering from dementia. IN addition to his narcissistic personality disorder, Donald Trump is not of right mind. If that is indeed the case, then his close friends, family and advisors, are standing by and allowing a man without the means or the wherewithal to handle the job he was elected to perform. Those close to him who do not take action to protect this democracy, are indeed complicit in Trump's actions. Demented or not, Trump is now a simple puppet for the Russian autocrat.
Not only the close advisor and family can be held accountable, but the millions of voters who supported him without bothering to look at the man, his business practices, and his moral character. When I hear the Russian plan was to divide and conquer us, I cannot help but say they have been successful, And while I know that as a nation we must stand together, I cannot forgive or forget the people I thought I knew who chose a man like Donald Trump as their leader.
IF EVER THERE WAS TIME TO REMOVE REPUBLICANS FROM OFFICE. Now is the time. When your loyalty is to a party and not to the country you are not fit to serve.
OUr three branches of government must stand, we have checks and balances in place to protect us from a Donald Trump. It is time to put those checks and balances in place for the sake of our children and grandchildren and the planet.
I am making this note and dating it because I believe this will eventually come out to all of us.
What possible reason could Trump have for giving away the farm. AKA, agreeing with dictators across the planet, while picking fight with our friends and allies?
It seems clear to me, that Russia aka Putin, has been grooming Donald Trump for decades for just this role; to install him as the leader the United States of America. He, Putin, recognized in Trump many years ago, a "useful idot" and he has succeeded.
Putin lied yesterday at the press conference when he said he did not know Trump was in Russia during the beauty pagent…. Trump was working closely at that time with PUtin's right hand man to arrange a meeting with PUtin, or at least to get him to attend the Miss Universe pagent. This is all documented in the book Russian Roulette.
Today I am hearing commentary that Trump is suffering from dementia. IN addition to his narcissistic personality disorder, Donald Trump is not of right mind. If that is indeed the case, then his close friends, family and advisors, are standing by and allowing a man without the means or the wherewithal to handle the job he was elected to perform. Those close to him who do not take action to protect this democracy, are indeed complicit in Trump's actions. Demented or not, Trump is now a simple puppet for the Russian autocrat.
Not only the close advisor and family can be held accountable, but the millions of voters who supported him without bothering to look at the man, his business practices, and his moral character. When I hear the Russian plan was to divide and conquer us, I cannot help but say they have been successful, And while I know that as a nation we must stand together, I cannot forgive or forget the people I thought I knew who chose a man like Donald Trump as their leader.
IF EVER THERE WAS TIME TO REMOVE REPUBLICANS FROM OFFICE. Now is the time. When your loyalty is to a party and not to the country you are not fit to serve.
OUr three branches of government must stand, we have checks and balances in place to protect us from a Donald Trump. It is time to put those checks and balances in place for the sake of our children and grandchildren and the planet.
Monday, July 16, 2018
UPdate on Still Breathing
July 16, 12018
Starting week 3 of the plant based diet. We are both enjoying eating this way. It is a lot of work, prepping and cooking all those veggies. But we are both feeling better for it.
On JUly 4, I was in my sewing room when my cell phone rang. I looked at the number and it was from Cleveland. Since I do not know anyone in Cleveland I considered just declining the call but for some reason I answered. ON the other end I here. "Is this Sherri?" my response yes... "This is Dr. Esselstyn"
I had sent an email to his web site a few days prior asking a question but received an auto "out of office" reply. So here he was calling me. He suggested I take the phone to where my spouse was and turn on the speaker. Which I did and Dr. E talked to us for about 30 minutes about his program. That motivated both Paul and I and we have been Vegans ever since...
I look online and I ordered a cookbook, but I also enjoy coming up with my own recipes using the flavors we like. So far, the vegan chili, the rice and beans, and the Big Bean soup are our favorites. Today I got gutsy and tried some desert recipes. The lemon cupcakes were a bust, but the fudgy brownies are pretty good.
Tonight after supper we even went for a short walk at the Reservoir with Sadie... I canot walk very far or very fast, as I am only a few weeks out from my cardiac event. But I find myself getting stronger every day and hope to continue on the course.
I am looking forward to some improved cholesterol numbers when I have my next lab work done, and in the end I hope to be able to drop 20 to 30 lbs. MY blood sugars are down, my blood pressure is down, and I am feeling pretty good.
Starting week 3 of the plant based diet. We are both enjoying eating this way. It is a lot of work, prepping and cooking all those veggies. But we are both feeling better for it.
On JUly 4, I was in my sewing room when my cell phone rang. I looked at the number and it was from Cleveland. Since I do not know anyone in Cleveland I considered just declining the call but for some reason I answered. ON the other end I here. "Is this Sherri?" my response yes... "This is Dr. Esselstyn"
I had sent an email to his web site a few days prior asking a question but received an auto "out of office" reply. So here he was calling me. He suggested I take the phone to where my spouse was and turn on the speaker. Which I did and Dr. E talked to us for about 30 minutes about his program. That motivated both Paul and I and we have been Vegans ever since...
I look online and I ordered a cookbook, but I also enjoy coming up with my own recipes using the flavors we like. So far, the vegan chili, the rice and beans, and the Big Bean soup are our favorites. Today I got gutsy and tried some desert recipes. The lemon cupcakes were a bust, but the fudgy brownies are pretty good.
Tonight after supper we even went for a short walk at the Reservoir with Sadie... I canot walk very far or very fast, as I am only a few weeks out from my cardiac event. But I find myself getting stronger every day and hope to continue on the course.
I am looking forward to some improved cholesterol numbers when I have my next lab work done, and in the end I hope to be able to drop 20 to 30 lbs. MY blood sugars are down, my blood pressure is down, and I am feeling pretty good.
Monday, July 2, 2018
Still breathing
July 2, 2018
WE spent three days in Knoxville TN last week for a deposition in a law suit. Then arrived home on Thursday late afternoon. Shortly after getting home as I was out watering my tomato plants I began to have chest pain.
Went inside to take a Nitro.. Did not help, took another still no relief. Called my spouse who had driven to Sam's to pick up his new glucose meter. He headed right home. but told me to call 911 as he was about 10 minutes away.
So I did. Took them about 8 rings to answer the phone, and in the end my husband beat the squad to my front door. But when they got here they loaded me in the ambulance, then spent about 5 min in my driveway hooking me to monitors and starting an IV line. All the while I am in severe pain.
Finally got to the hospital which is only about 10 blocks from my house. And spent another 15 min there before getting some pain relief. Of course they admitted me. And the follow up labs showed heart damage.. So next day I had a cardiac cath with placement of 2 stents. Recover for two days and released on Sunday evening.
I am probably lucky to be alive as this was my 3rd cardiac event. But home now and determined to turn things around. Starting the Esselstyn diet, which is all plant based. No animal products or even vegetable oils. This is supposed to reverse my heart disease. I hope so because I am hungry all the time. Without the proteins and fats, to fill your stomach you never feel satisfied. But I am going to stick with it,,, as I haven't much choice, I have had too much heart damage and this is the only plan I have seen that offers me hope. -+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++It worked for Bill Clinton.
WE spent three days in Knoxville TN last week for a deposition in a law suit. Then arrived home on Thursday late afternoon. Shortly after getting home as I was out watering my tomato plants I began to have chest pain.
Went inside to take a Nitro.. Did not help, took another still no relief. Called my spouse who had driven to Sam's to pick up his new glucose meter. He headed right home. but told me to call 911 as he was about 10 minutes away.
So I did. Took them about 8 rings to answer the phone, and in the end my husband beat the squad to my front door. But when they got here they loaded me in the ambulance, then spent about 5 min in my driveway hooking me to monitors and starting an IV line. All the while I am in severe pain.
Finally got to the hospital which is only about 10 blocks from my house. And spent another 15 min there before getting some pain relief. Of course they admitted me. And the follow up labs showed heart damage.. So next day I had a cardiac cath with placement of 2 stents. Recover for two days and released on Sunday evening.
I am probably lucky to be alive as this was my 3rd cardiac event. But home now and determined to turn things around. Starting the Esselstyn diet, which is all plant based. No animal products or even vegetable oils. This is supposed to reverse my heart disease. I hope so because I am hungry all the time. Without the proteins and fats, to fill your stomach you never feel satisfied. But I am going to stick with it,,, as I haven't much choice, I have had too much heart damage and this is the only plan I have seen that offers me hope. -+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++It worked for Bill Clinton.
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