MY weekly rant

What is wrong with the citizens in this country.  WE are so brainwashed by the conservatives in politics that Conservatives  will gladly fork over 5 billion for an unnecessary wall, and lie about the number of terrorists crossing the border everyday.   WE hear about how they detest intellectualism, and celebrate stupidity.  How else can you justify the current occupant of the White House.   Well wait a minute Hillary did get 3 million more votes than The Orange Baboon.  But 30 years of lies defeated her, and we can thank Fox News for that. 

This is not to say that Hillary is the best we have,  but she would have been 1000 times better than what we have now.  Too much money in politics and government. Money and power corrupt and no matter who is in Washington it is only a matter of time before they too are corrupt.  Bernie Sanders is probably the exception to that.  Why did this district re elect a man who could only say in his campaign adds how hard a worker he is. Really what did all that hard work produce,  except conspiracy theories and  being oblivious  to the charges of sexual mis conduct at  the Ohio State wrestling program.  Oh right,  he was an OSU wrestler,  was he also one of those targeted?  If that is the case Jimmy, why didn’t you stand with the other victims. 

Donald Trump will go down as the last president of the United States, because we are witnessing the death of this country. Thanks to conservatism and ignorant fools who believed Mexico would pay for the wall.   Sadly my grandchildren will have to deal with a climate that will not be conducive to life and my generation can take credit for this.

 We need to wake up before all is lost.  But we humans are lost and easily led by power grabbing despots. Which is exactly what we have in Donald Trump. 

Princess Crown quilt

Still in the dumps related to my last post.  But to keep my hands busy, I finished up this scrappy quilt from Bonnie Hunter Pattern,  Princess Crown Quilt.

I have had about 2 yards of pick fabric that I had not used and I have not pieced a pink quilt. I started this with the thought I would donate it to the women's crises shelter or someplace where a little girl would find it and love it.

I still have to quilt it,  but I think a lightweight poly will be perfect rather than the 100% cotton batting that I usually use.  So hopefully the backing fabric I ordered will arrive soon and I can get this one completed.

It seems like a normal sad Holiday for me.  Son number one and his drug problem are constantly on my mind.  I feel he has gotten so bad lately that he is on track to lose his job and his life.

So given that intro,  where is there to go from there.  This has been an ongoing problem for over 30 years.  I could write a book about the sorrows I have endured over the past three decades.

I am in a deep funk much of the time.  MY mind cannot get away from the fact that a young man who had so much potential allowed drugs to destroy his life.

There have been multiple trips to rehabs.  And periods of time that he has controlled his urges and stayed clean for as much as 11 months. But the deep darkness of the addiction always resurfaces.

He has been prescribed meds for bi polar, and they seem to help his mood. But he does not take them as he should.  He is in constant search of the next high.  

Because of this,  I have not had one moment of peace, joy or contentment in my life for over 30 years.  And of course one looks back to the past and wonders.  Did I do something to set him on this path of destruction?  

I do not think so. He is an adopted child, the product of a drug addicted natural mother.  And back when we took him into our home to love and raise. The big debate was between "Nature"  and "Nurture"   Back then the consensus was that Nurture would be a more powerful determinant.

I have now learned that is not the case.  The one time, one thing, a priest told me that was truth was when we took Matt to be baptized and the priest said to us. " you know you don't know anything about where this child came from,  you do not know what problems you may have to deal with because of it"

I only wish I could have seen down the road back then,  but I doubt that we would have changed our mind about this baby that we brought home to love and care for.

And he was an amazing child.  I saw no evidence of "drug issues"  in him as a child.  He was an excellent student and athlete, until he found alcohol, and drugs soon followed.   He is a hard worker still and everyone likes him.  He has just thrown away his life for a quick high. And he has no self control over his actions or his urges.  

So here we are 51 years later, and I dread answering the phone or the door, not knowing if it will be the call that I dread coming.

I would caution anyone against adoption because of what we have been through with this child of ours.   But we also have an adopted daughter,  who has not given us any problems her entire life, and is a constant help to us.   WE also have two natural children ,  both doing well, and only minor teenage problems that were not so enormous that they kept them from becoming responsible adults.


Every holiday seems to be filled with sadness for me because of Matt's life choices or his life's urges.  I don't think he can help himself. Which is the nature of drug addiction, I guess.  WE have ceased to help him with any financial support ,  but we have always been here to love him.

SO SAD.